As was mistakenly reported a couple of weeks ago, his subject has still yet to be decided. So we'll all be surprised together!

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The following was our kick-off for the week, courtesy of Matt & Sara Koons. Seriously.

The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

1 Corinthians 7:3-5

Last Sunday's ABF Recap:
rg & mk

Sex was the word of the day. It seems as if the subject of Sex & Marriage should be accompanied by the phrase, "It goes without saying." But if that were the case, there would never be any tension or misunderstand with Sex & Marriage, and we all know that that's not the case. Don't we?

One of the dangers within the church is that we address the topic of sex before marriage, but we don't discuss it after a couple is married. In my experience, there are too many who struggle in this area to turn a blind eye.

In many ways, our culture actually worships sex as some kind of god. However, the Bible views sex as a gift from God. Sex is for pleasure, creating oneness, procreation, and should be frequent within marriage (see I Corinthians 7:3-5).

• Contrary to our culture and some carry-over taboos, sex is neither God nor Gross, but a Gift from the LORD.
• Men and Women are wired differently
  • they spell "intimacy" very differently (women:talk::men:sex)
  • men tend to compartmentalize, placing different aspect of life in different boxes while context is very important to a women as different aspects of life closely interact with other areas
  • a man's sex drive is connected to his eyes; a woman's sex drive is connected to her heart
  • Gary and Barbara Rosberg suggest: "When a man begins to feel that he can never meet his wife's expectations, he will then, often unconsciously, quit meeting her emotional needs. And guess where that leads? No talk, no sex. No sex, no talk. It's a vicious cycle."
• God rewards a long marriage with a steadily improving sex life
• In sex we should seek to serve our spouse. This ultimately prevents a downward spiral from occurring. I (Matt) love what Tim Keller has to say about this. "The biggest pleasure and the only lasting pleasure is giving pleasure. When you get the place when giving arousal is the most arousing thing you are home free. It is easy to feel that if the woman doesn't have an orgasm you can both feel like a failure. It is easy to be irrational devastated when I would say, 'How was that?' and she responded with, 'That hurt.' You will have a great deal of trouble until you begin to realize that orgasm is great especially when experienced together. However, the joy and wonder of just being together is what really matters. We stopped worrying about our performance and whether we were getting, and starting begin concerned with serving each other."

The truth is that sex is connected to many different areas within our marriage. It is not just physical. You may find problems showing up in bed that if it wasn't for sex you could probably ignore. However, if you're experiencing challenges or frustrations, talk about the issues. Don't ever think that you are not vulnerable to problems. Affairs (emotional or sexual) can happen to anyone. You must be intentional about safeguarding your marriage and pouring into each other's lives.

If you're interested in digging deeper, visit one of the sources mentioned by the Koons family: Gary & Barbara Rosberg. Gary Smalley's ministry is also very good and helpful.

SupperSix sign-ups are open now!

New to SupperSix? Sign up here and you'll be assigned with two other couples to meet for dinner once monthly for three months (March, April & May). It's a great way to get to know other folks!

There Is No 'I' in Prayer
Steve Yohn

I went to see a really bad movie recently. It was so bad, in fact, that I am embarrassed to mention what it was. So, it will heretofore be known as "that nameless move" or "TNM."

In TNM, there was a very unpleasant man who set himself up as king, As most real kings do, the pseudo-king had a right-hand man (RHM). And, as is standard for most RHMs, this guy was getting a little too big for his britches. At one point in TNM, the RHM contradicted the king on a decision, and then spoke about what "we" should do with the kingdom. Apparently that made the faux king very unhappy, as evidenced by the quick draw of his sword. "We?" he said. "There is no 'we,' there is only 'me.' Never, ever forget who it is you are talking to!" The king then proceeded to do various swordy things to the RHM that best remain unspoken.

Now, I understand that writing about unspoken acts carried out by anonymous characters in a nameless movie might seem somewhat vague to a few of you. But, believe it or not, there is a point. God wants us to speak to Him, and in a familiar way. Paul even grants us permission to call our Lord "Abba" -- Daddy. (Romans 8:15) What a privilege to approach the throne with the confidence of being a kid of the King!

However, even though we have permission to be familiar with God, we should never forget to whom we are speaking. And this is one of the great benefits of incorporating worship into our prayer time. When you start out praising God for His majesty, His creation, His love, His justice and His sovereignty, it's a great reminder that while you may be speaking to your heavenly Father, you are also speaking to the Almighty God.

So, practically speaking, how do you speak words of worship in your times of prayer? One suggestion is what I have just mentioned. Pray through God's attributes. Thank Him for His grace, then take some time to think through what His grace means to you. Thank Him for His mercy, then take time to think through the ramifications of His mercy on our world. Thank Him for His justice, then take time to bask in the encouragement that even though it sometimes seems like the bad guys are winning, God will someday put things to right. That meditation on God's characteristics takes our worship out of the realm of just the mouth and puts it into our hearts.

A second suggestion is to pray Scripture. Bob Sorge in his excellent book Secrets of the Secret Place strongly advocates this method of personal worship. Take a passage of Scripture (the Psalms work great) and slowly read it through, phrase by phrase. After each phrase, stop and think through what you've just read and verbalize to God whatever comes upon your heart. Sorge says that in giving us His Word, God has "given us a way to bypass the self-centered, human-based, pity-filled praying toward which our souls want to gravitate. We can step into His mind, His thoughts, His expressions, His priorities and pray according to His will from His Word in the power of the Holy Spirit." This is the promise of 1 John 5:14-15,

"This is the confidence we have in approaching God; that if we ask anything according to His will, he hears us. And if we know that He hears us -- whatever we ask -- we know that we have what we asked of Him."

A good rule of thumb in our quiet times is to begin our prayers with the words "You are" instead of "I am" or "Will You." This will make sure we never forget that it's God we're talking to.

List five qualities of God and thank Him for each one, telling Him what it means to you.

Using the method described above, pray through Psalm 8.

"O LORD, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth! You have set your glory above the heavens. From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise because of your enemies, to silence the foe and the avenger. When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him? You made Him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned Him with glory and honor. You made Him ruler over the works of your hands; you put everything under His feet: all flocks and herds, and the beasts of the field, the birds of the air, and the fish of the sea, all that swim the paths of the seas. O LORD, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth!"

(Copyright 2008 Steve Yohn. Excerpted from 40 Days of Discovery, a devotional series written for Fellowship Community Church in Centennial, Colo. Steve Yohn is the director of Adult Ministries at Fellowship Community Church in Centennial, Colo. and is the co-author -- along with former Denver Bronco Jason Elam -- of the fictional thriller Monday Night Jihad. For more information about Steve, go to www.mondaynightjihad.com.)

Enjoy your week. Send an encouraging e-mail to a friend.

RG