Meals for the Chens & McGlones:
A neat way to serve those among us is to provide a meal for a family that's recently expanded. There's one date remaining for the Chens, and several dates available for the McGlones. Click on their names to see the lists.

Ladies of Life Answers:

October is here, and while the Haloween candy has been on display for a while, and the Christmas decorations will be on full display soon, I want to risk being one of those guys that mentions Christmas too soon, but I think you'll see it's for a good cause.

There are lots of opportunities to give during the Christmas season from local charaties to international operations. We recently heard about an informational meeting for those interested in volunteering with Operation Christmas Child. Operation Christmas Child is a ministry of Samaritan's Purse, and the Gates Family recently received their Christmas catalog, and while flipping through the pages, I was blown away. It's not that I wasn't aware of what all that Samaritan's purse does, but when I saw the photos and videos of them in action... it's very moving, particularly because they proceed without the slightest attempt to hide the fact that they are doing their good in Jesus' Name. I'll be sharing some of their promotional videos as the weeks go by, and if your family is looking for an opportunity to give beyond your home, consider Samaritan's Purse.

Last Sunday's ABF Recap - Communication in Marriage, pt. 1
rg & tg

Communication is so vital. It has the ability to build up and tear down, to demotivate or to marshall entire populations to action. Consider Hitler. He was a great communicator. But there clearly was something lacking. If we're going to be have fruitful marriages, we must not only communicate effectively, but communicate as God would have us to.

The key to effective, godly communication is based upon a commitment to a perspective of serving our spouse, rather than a focus based upon our own wants and desires. (Recall Kent & Lynn Mosher's discussion of a "contract marriage" versus a "covenant marriage.") The better we are able to internalize this message, the better we will be able to implement it and experience healthy communication in our marriages.

James wrote about the power of the tongue (and we discussed this passage previously on December 13, 2009) when he said,

We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check. When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one's life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.

As small groups, we looked at three passages that don't refer specifically to marriage, but they have profound wisdom for our marriages.

Luke 6:45 A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.

James 3:13-18 Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness.

James 4:1-2 What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God.

What can we glean from these verses?

one will communicate what is in one's heart (i.e. garbage in, garbage out) Jesus is the good treasure Satan is the evil treasure our sins will be found out the words of those with Godly wisdom are few but weighty

there are 2 starting points for communication: Godly wisdom and earthly wisdom Godly wisdom is pure, peacable, gentle and willing to yield it's an "I" vs. "You" thing, and prioritizing the "You" is closer to the mind of Christ communicating from a selfish standpoint leads to destruction (recall the spark that sets the whole forest on fire from James) be up front about sinful behavior and weakness

The idea of "Oneness" in a godly marriage is a 180-degree shift from what the world has to say about marriage. Genesis 2:24 says,

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

Think it over in your mind right now, what type of things lead to oneness and what type of things break down oneness? As you come up with answers to those questions, keep in mind that the fundamental goal of marriage is to minister to one's partner's deepest needs and to keep that goal unchanged.

Oneness Builders leadership unity prayer submission (Eph. 5:21) yielding edifying language

Oneness Destroyers keeping a scorecard destructive language

Paul's line from Epesians 4:29 has great application here:

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

So how do we do all of this? How do we make ministry to our spouse a priority and how do we not let any unwholesome talk come out of [our] mouths?

1. It takes a decision on our part to pursue this goal. We've got to flush out the "give-to-get" mentality. This decision requires a sound spiritual life, and a faith in Christ that we will not be shortchanged (the enemy seeks to divide; believing that we will draw the short stick in our marriage is a doubt placed in our mind by the enemy).

2. It takes a commitment on our part to our partner's needs. Not only should we seek to understand our spouse, but we should be open (Genesis 2:25) with our spouse in a desire to be understood. The world is about feelings. God isn't. The Ephesians passage about how husbands and wives are supposed to love and respect each other isn't about whether or not the husband and wife feel like loving and respecting. We've got to get past the idea of acting on our feelings and toward the idea of adhering to the commitment we made at the time of our wedding vows. Along these lines, if a wife is having trouble with submission, the husband must take a long look in the mirror. The husband is responsible for creating an environment where godly submission is easier, not harder.

3. It takes resolve. You are God's chosen minister to your partner.

Next week: Practical insights for good communication. See you there!

Tonyism:
"When there is trouble in your home, call 'time out' and pray. Even if it's uncomfortable."

Enjoy your week! Send an encouraging note to a friend.

RG