Meals for the Chens & McGlones:
No more dates available! Thanks to everyone who particpated.

Ladies of Life Answers:

Welcome back! How 'bout ABF time this past Sunday?! Just taking an hour or so to reconnect with couples in similar life stages seems to provide a boost of encouragement for the week. It's neat how God works that out.

There's an area that you can easily contribute to Life Answers ABF, and that's by bringing a light, easy, snack-type breakfast to share with the group on Sunday mornings. Angela Costello is heading this up, and she's put together a schedule where you can sign up for a week. Just click on the BREAKFAST button and you'll get where you need to go.

Some other announcements that I'd like to pass along/echo...

1. Edge is in need of small group leaders. If you're not familiar with Edge, check out their blog or speak with any Edge volunteer or parent of an Edge student. The middle school ministry that Todd Ianetta & Co. have developed is first class, and because of its growth, there are middle school kids who want to be in a small group to learn and grow... but there aren't currently enough volunteers. Perhaps you've had a weight on your mind, thinking that you should get involved in ministry somewhere at HCC. Pray about this, and consider Edge.
2. As a result of the Micah 6:8 Bike Challenge, an Ultrasound RV was purchased for Pregnancy Solutions & Services. On the weekend of October 22-23, one of the CCC Community Groups will be hosting a church-wide baby shower during all service times collecting suggested items for mothers-in-need. Please consider purchasing one of the following items and bring it with you to service that weekend.

   *Size 3 Disposable Diapers *Similac Advance (12.4 oz) Blue Label *Wipes *Crib Bedding *Newborn - Size 2T Baby Clothes

Last Sunday's ABF Recap - Communication in Marriage, pt. 2
rg

We kicked off our time together in small groups discussing...

What are some challenges to effective communication? the time of the conversation the timing of the conversation agendas dominant talker v. quiet not listening apathy avoiding confrontation other: ___________

What are some ideas for clearer communication? repeat & rephrase give & take being intentional with time listen define terms other: ___________

So what is communication? Webster defines communication as "an act or instance of transmitting" or "a process by which information is exchanged between individuals through a common system of symbols, signs, or behavior." It is clear that there are two sides to communication: (1) one party encodes; (2) another party decodes.

In A Marriage Without Regrets, Kay Arthur describes The Components of Communication Between Husband and Wife. She says that each partner brings the following areas into every communication:

Consequential History Knowledge and Wisdom Past Experiences Self-Image Sense of Humor	Current State Emotions Mood Current Conflict ... with others ... with each other ... with yourself ... with God ... at work
The Condition of the Heart evil/good ; stone/flesh Ezekiel 36:26 The mouth speaks that which fills the heart... Luke 12:34	The Body Body Language Tone & Volume of your voice

Good communication involves having the wisdom and taking the time to discern the heart of the issue at hand. Often a point of conflict is simply a layer of the onion, so to speak, instead of the root of the issue.

A Failure to Communicate

Good listening includes understanding. In James 1:19, we're told

Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.

A few things to think about when it comes to meaningful communcation in our marriages...

First, communicate with your eyes. Two guys can have a great conversation in a car because they're both looking ahead at the road, but this doesn't seem to work too well in a marriage. Simply looking at one another demonstrates attention.

Second, it is helpful to learn to listen to what is & isn't being said. Proverbs 18:13 tells us, To answer before listening - that is folly and shame. A portion of a prayer by Francis of Assisi reads

O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love.

Thirdly, we must understand the difference between hearing and listening. Jesus gave us an example of this teaching in His day in Matthew 13:13-15

This is why I speak to them in parables: "Though seeing, they do not see; though hearing, they do not hear or understand.

In them is fulfilled the prophecy of Isaiah:

"'You will be ever hearing but never understanding; you will be ever seeing but never perceiving.
For this people's heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes.
Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them.'"

David describes in Psalm 34:17 that God not only hears, but He acts on what He hears, which gives us evidence that He listens to His people.

The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.

Finally, rather than trying to force out bad thoughts or working really hard to stop thinking bad things, we ought to train our minds to not allow impure thoughts to surround us. This is only possible by replacing the time we spend doing either inert or impure things with filling our minds with godly content. David's desire (in Psalm 19:14) was...

May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.

Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.

Certainly, good communication in our marriages takes work and effort. But what good thing in life comes easy? Let us pray for each other, encourage each other, and seek to build marriages that are shining examples to those around us. Godly communication is at the heart of a solid marriage.

Next week: Helpful Vs. Hurtful Words.

Enjoy your week! Send an encouraging note to a friend.

RG