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Now's the time!

This past weekend was a big one for Life Answers Adult Bible Fellowship. On Friday and Saturday, 11 guys got away for Men's Retreat 2.0: FOOD. Then on Sunday, the last of the topical discussions in Navigating Marriage Madness was held. Tony and Robin took on "Team Time: intimacy at its best!" and turned what might have been an awkward hour into an affirming, encouraging, God-hororing hour.

Continuing this week...
Navigating the Marriage Madness:
A passionate and practical series brought to you by Life Answers.

• Week 6: Full Court Press - Marriage Madness at a glance!
  Hear the highlights, ask questions and fellowship with other couples.

This Friday: Guy's Night @ Tony's
6:30pm
directions linked from the Life Answers ABF Calendar

summarizing
Men's Retreat 2.0: FOOD

Once we all arrived at the cabin (and it took longer for some than others!), the Men's Retreat kicked off with an evening talking about spiritual solids. Moving past the basics of Christianity, the challenge was to get to know God better and to have a better understanding of who He created us to be. Through defining what His work is for us to do and just what His will is for us, we ended our opening lesson time discussing ten areas of obedience to which God calls us.

Josh Tollefson taught the Saturday morning session and talked about how the scriptures use both the literal and conceptual idea of food to demonstrate the LORD's provision. Merriam-Webster defines "provision" as

1. the act or process of providing
2. the fact or state of being prepared beforehand
3. a measure taken beforehand to deal wiht a need or contingency

But Josh didn't leave it there. God knows our needs better than we do, and He knows that we need a steady diet of spiritual food (which is why He gave us His Word) and a proper, balanced diet so that we can be healthy in all areas of our lives. Said a mentor of Josh's, "We can't be all that God has called us to be if we don't take care of our physical bodies to the extent we can." Further, we touched on the concept of fasting, yes fasting, as a component of healthy living and spiritual nourishment.

Rounding out our teaching time was Andy Ucker, and he brought it strong. Using the concept of feeding ourselves and each other through encouragement, he developed a neat and profound idea called "The Encouragement Cycle."

Beginning with suffering, we all know that it's not a matter of if we suffer, but when. The Bible has something interesting to say about our suffering: Jesus has been there! Paul said in I Corinthians 10:13, "No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." And Hebrews 4:15 says, For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are - yet he did not sin. Also, there was no emotion that Jesus didn't experience: hunger, sadness, anxiety, stress.... and He knew pain and suffering.

One very good way to persevere through suffering is to have good, Christian fellowship. As Christians we have fellowship with the Holy Spirit. This is truth. John 14:15-17 says, "If you love me, keep my commands. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever- the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you."

We also have the opportunity of fellowship with our Christian brothers and sisters. This fellowship provides comfort that we desperately crave. First Peter 5:6-7 says, Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

This comfort that the LORD provides combined with the wisdom that we gain through our suffering leads to growth. Also in I Corinthians (3:6-7), Paul said, I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow. So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow. The LORD provides growth, and many times this growth involves suffering of some kind.

And the really neat part of this whole cycle... the growth that we experience prepares us for two things:

1. it gives us the ability to identify with others in their suffering
2. it prepares us for our next round of suffering

James 1:2-4 says, Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

The fellowship that was had, the food that was shared, the nature that was enjoyed, the fun around games that was experienced, and the deepening of relationships with God and each other made Men's Retreat 2.0: Food a very good, meaningful, special weekend.

Last Sunday's ABF Recap
Navigating Marriage Madness: Team Time - intimacy at its best
rg

Who among us doesn't at least have some inkling of awkwardness whenever sex is the subject at church? Sure, sex is a vital part of our marriage, and sure, God created it. Paul even told Timothy (in I Tim. 4:4), For everything God created is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving.

But at the end of the day, it's a tough subject to teach and can be a tough subject to listen to. That's why it was neat to see the LORD speak through the Galietis as they addressed Biblical principles, practical tips and some pitfalls when it comes to sex in marriage.

First of all, the Bible does have a thing or two to say about sex. Song of Songs is ripe with genuinely erotic language. And the writer of Hebrews wasn't simply talking about linens when he said, Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure.

It is important that no matter the area of life, we go to the Scriptures to see what the LORD has to say about the particular area. Our central verse this past Sunday was I Corinthians 7:3-5,

The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

1. the principle of need
2. the principle of authority
3. the principle of habit

Secondly, this idea of authority could be a sticking point if the use of the authority is anything short of Godly. The core question that all women have in the back of their minds from childhood until the end of life is this: "Am I lovely?" Women do not grow out of this! The core question at the root of men is this: "Am I good enough?" Said another way: "Do I have what it takes?" Paul talks about each spouse not having sole authority over their own bodies, but this authority that we have over our spouses body must be exercised with this in mind: seeking to genuinely answer the other's core question.

Thirdly, sex should be frequent. Paul doesn't use cryptic language when he says, Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

We know from Matthew 24:12 that when sin creeps in and wickedness grows, the love of most will grow cold.

One of the more profound ideas that came up was: use sex as a ministry within your marriage. This is 180 degrees away from what the world has to say about sex, but God's ways are not the world's ways. If we get caught up in using sex as a part of a contract, we'll head down an unhealthy path in a hurry. Rather, by studying each other's needs and desires, we can actually minister to our spouse through sex.

What does a man need? In general, all men need respect. Specifically to this topic, men need sexual fulfillment. When women understand this, they can understand that even when they don't "feel" like having sex, they can see sex as an area to minister to their husband.

What does a woman need? Affection. Adoration. Her beauty affirmed. Safety. Security. There is a prevailing thought that men spend a decent amount of their mental energy thinking about and desiring sex. Interestingly, the Galietis submitted the idea that women desire romance and seek affection and affirmation of beauty as much as men think about sex. That ought to be a pretty sobering notion for men!

We tend to ridicule each others needs ("Is that all you ever want?") but this shows a disdain for God and ridicule is not a characteristic of ministry. Hearing "no" with great frequency creates an environment of chasing and leaves the idea of meeting needs and ministering behind. Hearing "yes" creates a natural environment where needs are more likely to be met. (This is one of the concepts behind Gary Chapman's idea of one's "love tank" in The Five Love Languages.)

Especially to the wives: model what is important to you! If it is romance you want, communicate this to your husband, for he is not wired to instinctively know what you are thinking. Once a woman's ideals of romance are understood by her husband, then Roland Coffey's line for husbands can be put into place: "If you want to have sex at night, start romancing her in the morning."

Ultimately, when two hearts work to meet each others needs, things move from "getting sex" to "making love."

Tips for men:

• Study your spouse. This takes planning and involves communication. Robin even suggested sending your wife an e-mail saying something as simple as "How is your day going?" Some of us are probably afraid of the answer, but these are the types of things that
• help us learn what our wives need.
• As you study, journal. Why rely on memory?
• On a regular basis, ask the question: "Do you feel loved?"

Tips for ladies:

• Decide whether you will build your husband up or tear them down. The world has "tearing them down" covered, and while men have a responsibility to earn the "building up," sometimes a little encouragement gets the ball rolling in a powerful way.
• Fulfill your man's desires and communicate your desires.
• Keep your mind on your husband during sex.
• On a regular basis, ask the question: "How's our frequency?"

Tip for both:

• Especially when the kids are young, and creating a zoo in the home, set appointments for intimacy and sex and keep them. It is so easy to get caught in the cycle of: wake up, get ready for the day, go to work, come home, get through dinner, get the kids to bed, clean up the mess the day created, go to bed. How does a couple break out of this? Set appointments, find a babysitter, create boundaries, etc.

Some pitfalls to avoid:

• Don't share negative feelings with a friend that knows your husband.
• Don't share negative feelings with your mother, sister or friend that is either alienated from your husband or is negatively predisposed to your husband. It is easy to focus on the lack of fulfillment and then stop meeting the other's needs in other areas of life. Don't do this!
• Porn kills the ability to be romantic and it kills the sense of understanding your wife's needs.
• Ladies, avoid the temptation to "mother" your husband. Your husband married you to be his wife and lover, not his wife and mother. "Mothering" a husband emasculates him.

Ask any who attended and you'll certainly hear a positive review of the lesson time. Thanks so much to the Galietis for bringing God's truth! Join us this coming Sunday as we tie a nice bow on the Navigating Marriage Madness series!

Enjoy your week! Send an encouraging note to a friend.

RG